photo © 2006 Gareth Simpson | more info (via: Wylio)

The movie starts in typical disaster movie fashion, showing us some action, and then rewinding 24 hours so we get to see how the characters got there. As RC put it, “they knew the first 20 minutes was boring as hell, so they had to give us some action to hold us over.” As the characters are introduced, their name is place on the screen as their back story is told. Don’t worry about keeping track, because nothing they say is really important (save for one back story). During this time, news broadcasts are on in the background to fill the viewer in on the impending invasion.

The aliens invade from the water, since they apparently can use the water for fuel. They attack all the coastal cities, so thankfully, the citizens of Columbus, Ohio only have to worry about the NCAA ruining the Buckeyes 2011 season and not the impending alien invasion. Once the attack begins, a lot of explosions go off, and the marines triumph in one small battle at the end.

Throughout the movie, the director has apparently forgotten his steadicam at home and breaks down all notions of giving the characters personal space. Most of the movie is filmed as if the camera was being hand held a foot from the actor’s face.

I give this movie a 2 out of 6.5 stars, and wouldn’t even recommend it as a rental. It was still better than Battlefield Earth though.

There be spoilers after the break Ripoff from Independence day:

• Alien invasion destroying everything in their path.
• The aliens weakness of basing the control of everything in one central location.

Ripoff from Aliens

• An officer is put in charge of the troops that has no combat experience and almost gets them killed.

Ripoff from Halo

• The aliens move almost like the Covenant.
• Near the end the Marines are leaving LA in an armored vehicle, which might as well have been a Warthog.

Useless stuff that happens

• Skype conversation at the beginning is screen captured from a Mac but the guy is using a Sony Vaio.
• The first time we really get to see an alien it takes a million shots to kill, but near the end they’re killing aliens pretty easily.
• For some reason they want to find out how to kill an alien, so they’re just ripping parts out of one until he dies, then they find out they just need to shoot a little to the right of where the heart is.

Read on for the full review, and there may be spoilers (although if you’ve seen the previews, you’ve pretty much seen the movie). In Twilight, we have this attractive girl named Bella, who is uprooted from sunny Phoenix to go live with her dad in Forks, WA because her mom is touring the country with her new husband who plays minor league baseball. For some reason Bella feels like she is a misfit and doesn’t fit in. The viewers never get to see why though, because the Bella character is so 1-dimensional. She has two goals in life, and that is to become and vampire and stay with Edward. No hopes, no dreams, no identity whatsoever. And of course Edward likes the idea, since he’s an 109 year old pedophile and to him girls are supposed to be subservient without any desires outside of the home.

Vampires in this world have all the good abilities of vampires that we know and love, and none of the weaknesses. Crosses, garlic, holy water, reflections in mirrors and even sunlight do not affect this vampires. Edward’s “family” decided long ago to become some sort of vampire “vegans”, feasting only on animals and not humans.

Eclipse opens up with Bella having to make a choice, Jacob or Edward. Jacob is a member of an Native American tribe that has been at war with vampires since the 1800s, and they can shape shift into wolves. And not normal wolves, somehow a 200 pound guy can shape shift into a 600 pound wolf the size of a cow.

Eclipse ends with Bella having to make a choice, Jacob or Edward. It’s like two hours are sucked out of you, and nothing really happened. In the middle, the wolves and the Cullen’s make a peace pact to protect Bella from Victoria and her Newborn army. A fight scene breaks out, too many guys are walking around without a shirt, and then Victoria is killed along with all the Newborns.

The one bright spot was the Klingon High Commmand, I mean, the vampire high command, the Voltari. A sadistic group of vampires with special abilities led by Dakota Fanning. This group keeps the Vampires a secret. And btw, it’s really easy to tell the good vampires from the bad vampires. The bad ones have red eyes where as the good ones have orange eyes. The Voltari thinks Bella knows too much, so she must either become a vampire or die. Mercy is not in their vocabulary. That should be fun.

I cannot recommend this movie to any guy, and I don’t understand its appeal with women. I thought humor was the number one attractive quality that women seek in mates, but neither Jacob nor Edward have a funny bone in their body. In fact, Alice is the only person in the entire movie that isn’t brooding. The eye candy for women isn’t enough to overlook the 1-dimensional characters, cheap production values, and the fact that nothing really happens.

Netflix Instant Streaming has the complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel series. Go watch them instead. I’m going to do that just to block this horrible rendition of vampires out of my mind!

Tony Alleyne has spent eight years recreating scenes from the cult sci-fi show at his studio apartment.

But what started as a therapeutic hobby for the 56-year-old devotee, following a painful divorce from his wife, has led him to deck the whole property out as the Star Trek Voyager.

The amazing thing is that he was divorced from his wife and then re-did his apartment, instead of the other way around.

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On Sunday the Arizona Science Center will open “Star Trek: The Exhibition,” a 12,500-square-foot collection of re-creations, sets, costumes and props from all five Star Trek TV series and 10 films over the last 40 years.

Unfortunately, Star Trek descending down on Phoenix will not be without casualties:

Thursday morning the Apache Junction High School Star Trek Club will don their Starfleet best on site in Phoenix with the Fox 10 morning crew to help promote the event.

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Thanks for the help!