Read on for the full review, and there may be spoilers (although if you’ve seen the previews, you’ve pretty much seen the movie).

In Twilight, we have this attractive girl named Bella, who is uprooted from sunny Phoenix to go live with her dad in Forks, WA because her mom is touring the country with her new husband who plays minor league baseball. For some reason Bella feels like she is a misfit and doesn’t fit in. The viewers never get to see why though, because the Bella character is so 1-dimensional. She has two goals in life, and that is to become and vampire and stay with Edward. No hopes, no dreams, no identity whatsoever. And of course Edward likes the idea, since he’s an 109 year old pedophile and to him girls are supposed to be subservient without any desires outside of the home.

Vampires in this world have all the good abilities of vampires that we know and love, and none of the weaknesses. Crosses, garlic, holy water, reflections in mirrors and even sunlight do not affect this vampires. Edward’s “family” decided long ago to become some sort of vampire “vegans”, feasting only on animals and not humans.

Eclipse opens up with Bella having to make a choice, Jacob or Edward. Jacob is a member of an Native American tribe that has been at war with vampires since the 1800s, and they can shape shift into wolves. And not normal wolves, somehow a 200 pound guy can shape shift into a 600 pound wolf the size of a cow.

Eclipse ends with Bella having to make a choice, Jacob or Edward. It’s like two hours are sucked out of you, and nothing really happened. In the middle, the wolves and the Cullen’s make a peace pact to protect Bella from Victoria and her Newborn army. A fight scene breaks out, too many guys are walking around without a shirt, and then Victoria is killed along with all the Newborns.

The one bright spot was the Klingon High Commmand, I mean, the vampire high command, the Voltari. A sadistic group of vampires with special abilities led by Dakota Fanning. This group keeps the Vampires a secret. And btw, it’s really easy to tell the good vampires from the bad vampires. The bad ones have red eyes where as the good ones have orange eyes. The Voltari thinks Bella knows too much, so she must either become a vampire or die. Mercy is not in their vocabulary. That should be fun.

I cannot recommend this movie to any guy, and I don’t understand its appeal with women. I thought humor was the number one attractive quality that women seek in mates, but neither Jacob nor Edward have a funny bone in their body. In fact, Alice is the only person in the entire movie that isn’t brooding. The eye candy for women isn’t enough to overlook the 1-dimensional characters, cheap production values, and the fact that nothing really happens.

Netflix Instant Streaming has the complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel series. Go watch them instead. I’m going to do that just to block this horrible rendition of vampires out of my mind!

At the Apple Store waiting for the iPad!,
originally uploaded by gozarcollins.

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Sent from my Windows Mobile Phone

Tony Alleyne has spent eight years recreating scenes from the cult sci-fi show at his studio apartment.

But what started as a therapeutic hobby for the 56-year-old devotee, following a painful divorce from his wife, has led him to deck the whole property out as the Star Trek Voyager.

The amazing thing is that he was divorced from his wife and then re-did his apartment, instead of the other way around.

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On Sunday the Arizona Science Center will open “Star Trek: The Exhibition,” a 12,500-square-foot collection of re-creations, sets, costumes and props from all five Star Trek TV series and 10 films over the last 40 years.

Unfortunately, Star Trek descending down on Phoenix will not be without casualties:

Thursday morning the Apache Junction High School Star Trek Club will don their Starfleet best on site in Phoenix with the Fox 10 morning crew to help promote the event.