Ugly Clothing, The Latest Scam

The only reason to buy new clothes is if your current clothes wear out or stop fitting. However, the clothing companies don’t make money when you wear the same t-shirt and jeans for a decade so that’s why they invented fashion. Fashion is essentially an expiration date on clothes. If the clothing companies can trick you into thinking your clothes are no longer good you’ll have to go out and buy new ones. Technically speaking the the only true measure of a clothing’s worthiness is A.) does it protect you from the weather? and B.) will it protect you from bear attacks? If a piece of clothing meets these two criteria, congratulations, you’re not naked.

According to research I never did, in olden times the richer you were the nicer clothes you would wear to show everyone how rich you were. People in the same social class would dress pretty much the same. By the 1950s, everyone dressed almost identical in the same black and white clothing.

I can't believe we all dressed in grayscale AGAIN!

But once the 60s hit everything went crazy. People wanted to dress as far out and bizarre as possible. That’s when clothing companies came up with the idea to sell totally different clothes every year. In order to fit in you would have to buy this year’s clothes and anyone wearing last year’s would stick out and be ridiculed. For the next few decades this continued on with new clothing styles being created. Once we hit the 00′s, all of the clothing styles have been already been invented, but the companies don’t want you to know that. Instead, they just started releasing ugly clothing.

Hmmm which shade will best match my dunce cap?

It doesn’t matter if this year’s fashion is better than last year’s, it just has to be different than last years. Here is one strategy to make money off ugly clothing:

Step 1: invent ugly clothing and have a fashion show Step 2: the most expensive clothing stores start selling the ugly clothing Step 3: celebrities and people on The Hills buy ugly clothing from expensive stores and wear it on TV Step 4: everyone else wants to be like celebrities, Target and Old Navy start selling ugly clothing

It doesn’t always have to go through this process. Sometimes the stores at the bottom will come up with their own terrible ideas.

Finally, teenagers no longer have to borrow clothes from grandma

I understand that as Americans we all buy things we don’t absolutely need to survive. But it is pretty insulting to our intelligence that these companies continually release ugly clothing and people buy it just because it is new.

On a final note: Ugg is the first syllable of “ugly”. HOW COME NOONE IS NOTICING THIS??