A Proclamation From Jeff

A Proclamation, this 28th Day of April, Anno Domini 2009

WHEREAS it is desirable to announce announcements of important importance; and

WHEREAS the Bitsmack.com web site is an influential nexus for forward-thinking, intelligent and, frankly, cool individuals; and

WHEREAS Jeff earns his living by executing duties as a professional computer geek; and

WHEREAS at a recent party, Jeff was thoroughly humiliated and embarrassed by his lame attempts to text and tweet by using his Game Boy Advance; and

WHEREAS Jeff until recently didn’t realize that “text” is now a verb; and

WHEREAS Jeff’s primary computer at home is a Blueberry iMac, manufactured in 1999; and

WHEREAS being a techno-luddite and social-phobic hermit is incongruous with maintaining and upgrading the skills necessary to continue serving as a professional computer geek;

THEREFORE do I, Jeff, now proclaim my adulation for, and embrace of, all technology things new.  Web 2.0, social networking, blogging, vlogging, geoblogging, poking, texting, sexting, smexting, friending, gerunding, and all the accoutrements of this wacky thing called The Internet– I will be a part of it.

I’m so totally pleased and psyched to report that I have upgraded my computing paraphernalia and am ready to venture back in to modern technology.

My desktop computer is now one of the new Mini’s from Apple.  4 gigs of RAM, Parallels Desktop, dual displays (CRT’s natch…) for a combined screen resolution of 3840×1200 (schwing!) and (this is a first for me) wi-fi.  Plus bluetooth, dual-layer superdrive… basically it’s a unibody MacBook sans display avec firewire.

Part of the appeal of these new social networking trends is the ability to use the ‘Net while away from the desk.  But my mini doesn’t help here, so, I’ll be getting my mobile internet fix via my new iPod Touch.

Laptops are quickly becoming passé (as evidenced by the fact that my wife just got one) and I figure the Mini/Touch combo will fill the mobile net need much better.

But, the Touch doesn’t work without wi-fi, so I’ve also upgraded my phone to one of them Blackberry dealies.  Putting this device on Verizon’s all-you-can-eat data plan will ensure I remain connected at all times.

So, Bitsmackers, I humbly seek your assistance.  Please help me get up to speed quickly on all the cool things I have missed over the years.  I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Where do I start?