Heroes - The Second Coming and The Butterfly Effect

Heroes is back and all like “to all of you haters complaining about last season we’re going to blow your mind grapes.”

My random thoughts and plenty of spoilers after the jump…

Rather than trying to review this episode chronologically I’m just going to address the gillion story lines going on at one time:

4 Years from now
Peter and Claire are on the run from Sentinels after the Mutant Registration Act has been passed. Peter is like “why haven’t I used my time travel ability in the last 4 years to stop this crap?” And so he does. We find out he was the second gunman on Nathan’s grassy knoll. But even after shooting Nathan, Future Peter decides to hang out in the past for the fun of it. He can also change his appearance to look like Present Peter. THIS WON’T BE CONFUSING AT ALL!

Nathan
With the hundred different ways they have to bring someone back from the dead, this time it’s the astral projection of Obi Wan K-Linderman to the rescue. Nathan is like “ZOMG Christianity!” and then “I see dead people.” Nikjessica shows up to offer Nathan a seat in congress and he accepts. Only she isn’t NikJessica she’s NikJessTracy and she has ice powers. BRRRRR!

NikJessica/Micah/Monica
Last season on Heroes some gang bangers were like “NikJessica go die in a fire”. And she did. Or maybe she didn’t. We don’t see any of these people.

Sylar/Claire/Noah
Sylar shows up at Claire’s house so they can put on skits reenacting cliche’s from horror movies. Finally he catches Claire but surprise! He doesn’t actually eat peoples brains he just likes to poke them. He get’s Claire’s ability and she still lives, but she doesn’t feel pain anymore and thinks she’s a space alien. Sylar finds out about Level 5, the place where they keep all the people with really cool powers, and hops in the middle warp pipe to get there. He kills Veronica Mars’s dad so that he can get the ability to turn guns to gold, because golden guns kill people in one bullet. However when he tries to take VM’s Raiden powers she totally blows up knocking out Sylar and releasing Level 5.

Prison Break - Awesome Edition
A dozen villains break out of Level 5 including: Scarecrow, Pyro, Magneto and Present Peter in Weevil’s body (Peevil) that Future Peter put there. STILL NOT CONFUSING AT ALL! These guys start burning people at gas stations for the fun of it, and then Al appears to Peevil and says “Ziggy calculates there is a 95% chance you need to stop these bad guys in order to leap out of here.” Peevil replies “oh boy.”

Mohinder/Maya
Mohinder is all like “I give up, I’m going to take my ball and go home.” And then Maya is like “stop being such a big baby.” Minutes pass and then Mohinder has a breakthrough “hey Maya I totally figured out a way to cure your powers, if by ‘cure’ you mean ‘give powers to regular people’.” Since Mohinder ALWAYS DOES THE RIGHT THING and injecting yourself with experimental drugs NEVER HAS CONSEQUENCES, he ends up getting super strength, Spider-Man’s wall climbing ability and also super horniness. Side effects of the wonder drug include weird scaly things that come out your back and erections lasting longer than four hours.

Parkman
Parkman discovers Future Peter and gets dropped in Africa where he meets a talking turtle and the African version of Mr. Issac.

Hiro/Ando
Sulu leaves Hiro a dvd FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE telling him not to open the personal safe, which he obviously does. Inside the safe is half of a page from my junior year chemistry notebook. The page is instantly stolen by Flashette, and Hiro is like “OMG freaking sweet CG!” Hiro and Ando walk down some random street and Hiro decides to go to the future where he and Ando just happen to be fighting ON THE SAME EXACT STREET. Future Ando wants the formula from Future Hiro and when Future Hiro doesn’t hand it over, Future Ando fatally Dragonball Z’s Future Hiro in the gut. Present Hiro goes back to present and doesn’t trust Ando anymore. They find Flashette’s hideout, she gets away, but they have a way to track her.

Mom Petrelli
She’s in charge of the company since VM’s dad died. She has dreams about the future which explains why Peter was doing that in season 1. She tells Sylar at the end that she’s his mom but we don’t know if she means it figuratively or biologically.

I am REALLY looking forward to this season.