Shopping at Best Buy Supports Terrorism

For those of you that are unfamilar with Capitolism, here is a short lesson. A DVD is released on Tuesday, for example lets say Clerks X. I stop at my local DVD repository, hmmm… how about Best Buy, to purchase up said film. Money exhanges hands and both contributing parties go home satisfied. Well, the Best Buy doesn’t go home it pretty much stays where it’s at. Anyway, when one of these participants fails to fulfill their end of the bargin society itself is damaged.

So I stop at Best Buy in Reynoldsburg on Wednesday to find that they are out of Clerks X. When I checked with the week old Best Buy clerk (irony!), who in turn asked his manager how to use a computer, it turned out that none of the stores on the east side had the movie in stock. I was dissapointed but not angry. I decided to stop in at Walmart on the way home to see if they had it. They did not, so I settled for Jersey girl at the low price of $15.97. Unfortunately there is no such thing as a “quick stop” to Walmart. As I attempted to purchase the DVD in the electronics section I was greeted (read: ignored) by a woman holding a phone to her ear. I was not impressed with the “pretend to be on the phone so people leave you alone” maneuver. In fact I have used this technique before at work. I pulled no punches and responded with what I like to call the “triple threat”, which consists of annoyed stare, looking at watch and tapping foot. Not giving up she countered with “turning around backwards”. Well played clerks.

Meanwhile, there seemed to be some kind of team meeting going on in the adjacent furniture department. I assume these meetings are important for Walmart managers to show the illegal immigrants where to hide when the government comes. They did a little a chant at the end that had all the gusto of a zombie pep rally. I wanted to walk up to them and ask if they could spare 1 or 6 people to open some registers, but I didn’t want to interrupt their cheerleading practice before they went up against Mejier in the big homecoming game. The self checkout line was supposed to be the greatest invention of the 21st century, separating the self-sufficient people in a hurry like myself from the slow and helpless. The system breaks down when the slow and helpless attach themselves to these checkouts like parasites feeding off a host organism. Though I can’t completely blame the woman ahead of me for taking a long time. I can imagine it’s hard to keep your kids under control when you go to the same school.

This has nothing to do with the rest of this article but Jersey Girl has to have the worst cover art of a Kevin Smith movie, or any movie I own for that matter. Take a look at it here and let me break it down for you. The background is a map of Jersey (artistic!). The collage of this cast could have been put together in photoshop by the worst art school dropout. Ben Affleck is looking at the side of Liv Tyler’s head, probably wondering where her pointed ears went. To stop an approaching Affleck, Tyler attempts to uses the Vulcan nerve pinch. Jason Biggs is in this movie so little they settled for ’shopping in his American Pie publicity shot. George Carlin is great in this movie but his picture on the cover looks like he’s getting ready to go down on a trucker. I got nothing bad to say about Raquel Castro. She was the bright star in this movie. And for some reason we have a picture of Kevin Smith, stalking them from above. Don’t get me wrong I loved this movie but this cover is sooo bad. Moving along…

On Thursday I decide to do my homework before searching for Clerks X again. I look on Best Buy’s website and they have a feature where you can pay for merchandise online and then pick it up in the store. I check and the movie is available at the Morse Rd store. I refrain from paying online and figure I’ll just drive up to the store. I am told very smugly they don’t have it in stock by a guy with a greasy ponytail. I told him I checked online and they had it in stock, to which he started to talking to his friend, surprised that I had a follow-up question to his “we’re out.” If Clerks has had any detriment on society its that now every dick that’s works near movies thinks they can be a complete asshole. So if I would have went through the trouble of paying online that doesn’t mean they actually have it at the store to pick up. What an amazing feature Best Buy!

Determined, Brad and I traveled to Circuit City on Morse Rd. which can only be reached by dirt trail miles away from the store. They had Clerks X for $25 which I didn’t mind paying at all. I’m not saying I won’t shop at Best Buy anymore. Truth is they have merchandise that I want at pretty good prices. The only thing standing between me and this merchandise is their incompetent and/or asshole sales people. I don’t know how Cassadi got hired there because I think the application only has two questions:
1. are you a dick?
2. do you know f*** anything about these products?
If you are thinking about a job there here is the answer key:
Answers: 1. yes 2. no